The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
