The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Randomize
