I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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