I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
