tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
But break dance skills will only take you so far
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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