everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
