I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
