Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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