please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize
