when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
