Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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