Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
And then he peed in my hair
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
