ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
