walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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