never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
