The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
