You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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