I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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