I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
