at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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