Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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