I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
