he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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