Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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