I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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