508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
