I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you win again, gameday.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
