Plan B is the new Plan A
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
