i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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