I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
