My girlfriend figured out who you are.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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