Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
