i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
