i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Randomize
