so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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