so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
