I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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