Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
