well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
