how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
i need some magic done to my vagina
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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