Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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