drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
