Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
