I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
