Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
