During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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