I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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