I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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