and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
