i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
