My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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