dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
