The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
