if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
