my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
