my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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