apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
