this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
i out mim tonsoeep
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