Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
